The bus drops me off at Colfax and Grant. I have a rough map in my head of the bars I want to go to. My first night downtown since got here. I have never seen so many people on the streets, coming from a town with no night life. I drank up the lights, the sound, the people, and the alcohol. Last call. Gonna go for a bit of a walk, check out the city. I love it. It's cold enough to see your breath and people are scurrying from the bars back to their warm homes. The sound of cars and laughter begins to die down. I look at the street sign, and have no idea where I am. Check my watch. 3:30. Fuck. The buses don't run this late. Better call a cab...with...my...cell phone that I left at the bar. Fuck. The streets are empty. It's freezing and I chose to dress for style. My flip flops, tank top, Hawaiian shorts combo has severely back fired. Getting kind of scared. Getting very cold. I can't take it anymore and start crying. A few minutes later my tear filled eyes are blinded by a car pulling up next to me.
"Now, son, you are hardly dressed appropriately to be out in this kind of weather, where is it you're headed?"
(through sniffling) "I..I...I don't know, mister. I just moved here, this was supposed to be a fun night...."
I begin uncontrollably sobbing.
"Alright, alright, that's enough of that. Get in, we'll get you warmed up and home."
I didn't care that this man was probably going to murder me, at least I'd be warm when I died. I get in the car.
"So how long have you been here?"
My shivering is beginning to subside.
"About 3 months, I live a bit away from downtown so I'm not too familiar with it yet."
"Ah, well, while you get warm how would you like a tour of the city?"
Creepy. But whatever, I could probably down him if I had to. Wait, what am I talking about? If he tries anything I'm fucked, I don't know how to fight. He begins showing me the various sports arenas and museums and points of interest downtown. We stop at a gas station and he buys me a snapple. He doesn't say much, and neither do I. He offers me some saltines he had in his glove box, and they are delicious. He shows me everything I'll need to know to enjoy myself in this city. As we make the turn into my apartment complex I begin to panic. I don't know how to repay this guy...shit! What if he threatens my life if I don't give him all my money. Plus, now he knows where I live! Stupid, stupid Sean!
I tell him what building it is and he parks in front of it.
"Uh...sorry man, I'm kinda broke. I don't really have any way to repay you..."
I begin getting out of the car, hoping I can make a get away if he lunges. By the time he speaks I'm out and have the door shut.
"Oh, no no no. I don't expect any repayment. Consider this a moving into the city gift."
Oh, wicked. Free ride.
"Wow, thanks a ton Mr....hey, I never got your name."
"Well, just call me Mr. McCransky."
"You mean...wait...seriously? Are you the--"
"That's right, I'm the mayor. Welcome to the city."
He left without saying anything else.
Author's Note: This idea was a lot funnier in my head, and was also a lot shorter. I for some reason felt like I had to keep adding to it while I was writing it. Deal with it.